ONDINE–You said (dial) that, that, if, if you pick, pick UP the Mayor’s voice on the other end (dial, pause, dial-dial-dial), the Mayor’s sister would know us, be (busy-busy-busy). DRELLA–We should start for the park, right? Okay. Hmm. Coin drops. Money jingles as coins return. Car noises in background. You’re a clunk. Are there any way stations on the way that we have to (honk, honk) like uh, I, wha–(noise). If we go through, through the park, is there ANY place we can keep calling your uh, I mean right through the, uh, phone call.
Is there any place where we can keep call him if we– Answering service ” Are you (cars honking, blasting). Are there difFERent places–are there different places where we can call your ans–oh. Want some cake? Nah. A little juice, anything? I know where we can get some. hurriedly–oh yes, let’s get some. Fantastic, baby. Yeah. Good. Oh you can’t pretend that you’re not here. Oh, okay, all right. You’re uh, I mean– Aw right. You’re uh, you’re uh, here, yeah. Okay. You’re here. Okay. You definitely are here. Uh (noise). Hey, what time is it? Do you know it’s exACTly–it’s two o’clock? Uh, Gerry made me, uh, I had to wait for him. It’s all right. D’ya know what happened? I fell asleep on the bus. surprised–You did? And, uh, yeah, but I got off, uh, I got off, in time and, eh, I realized that the bus ride was so long it’s ridiculous. It’s, its–the Fifth Avenue bus takes forever. Let’s see ” The bus was, was, was–We had a fairly good time last night, but not too special.
Um. Nothing, really (sigh), just put a coupla sheets on and went into somebody’s house (giggle) and scared them, ha huh HUHha. It was all. I felt like a ghost. Yeah, uh, some of stolen Rotten Rita’s causes. And, um, some of my throat is gone. Really? Yeah. Aw, what is it from? Blowing? No, I didn’t do a thing last night. Just, general, you know, just staying up and all that, just talking. This number in front of us is too gorgeous. Do you need some Obertrols? ” Need some Obertrols? Do you have any? Blue ones. Oh, they’re five milligrams. Yeah. That’s good. Ten milligrams. No, they’re–are are the–are they ten or five? Ten. Ten? Oh well, then I need– I’ll try to get some orange ones, yeah? Oh the orange ones are divine. How many do you want of the blue ones? Ah, let’s see, twenty milligrams of forty ” Ten. Sixy, ah, ah ten. One*two*three*four*five*six! Kid yelling: Ay, ay! That’s too many to take. Whish! (Giggle.) Sixty milligrams. Kid; Waah, yaie. Let’s see, a setup would be, oh, you can’t blame the front of his outfit. It’s all bare skin. Kid: YAAEI. Oh, that’s horrid. It’s very stupid. Bluh, he has a horrid face. Really? Yuh, he looks like a, y’know, but what a body. Really? Ah! Oh, I was wondering what you would like to do too, besides that, cause I mean if we’re going to spend this whole day and we should really– Oh, did you enjoy the con? What did you and Rita speak about last night first of all and isn’t she marvelous? Yeah. Isn’t she tru-truly marvelous? She’s the meanest girl in the world but she’s so fun. Really? Yeah, she has a, y’know, like, like a, like a, like all mean girls she’s been–she been roughly treated. Oh, the bakery’s open. It’s the best bakery in town. What’s the name of it? Greenberg’s. Greenberg’s, ooh that’s a Jewish bakery. Laughter. Yah. Laughter I thought it was a ChinESE bakery! I sat down next to an old woman in the park and she got very indignant. Really? Because I sat there. Why? Well, it was her bench obviously. Oh. She must have had it since, since sh-she was a child. Really? Sh-she was–people are not going to believe this. Probably thinks you’re a star. Eh, well I am. I, I just like to accept that I really– Wha? didn’t stay up last night. Washed-out noises. It’s a pity. Huh? (Pause). Dum-tum. I hate all that. I hate all that business of having to train them– Train people? Laughter. Yeah. When they’re that young. Oh! Oh, how horrid. Horrible. High-pitched honk. Oh, what’ll we do? Well ” We’ll (honk). Should we try another bakery? Yeah. Do you know of another one around here? I’s-I’s-I was comPLETEly for this neighborhood. Completely new for this neighborhood. Feature uptown all right but it’s this is uptown. Uptown on the East Side. This part of town is uh, I like that sh–I like that shirt. It’s very nice. Uptown, uptown on the West Side, it’s very hard to get to. I wanted to– What? It’s, it’s a very–uptown on the East Side, ah, it’s very rare. You don’t take–ge-get to it very easily. Maybe we should have a cup of coffee at some, some–a cup of coffee like Thelma Ritter. All right, we’ll do that. Let’s get some cake and then we’ll have coffee. A glass of beer or something. Okay. A glass of beer (laughs). Ah, who, let’s see, you left last night at what time? Aah, four o’clock. I’m trying to find out what I did last night. I don’t remember. I remember we– You went to the uh, the uh, the the whore house. The whore house. But everyone is always going there anymore and they don’t have any electricity. Oh really? And they have electricity from the outside piped in and there’s always trouble and someone always loses something. I’ve been robbed twice down there. You were? Oh yes, of all my amphetamine and then this time I lost it. Oh ah. Awfully sweet. Huh? I guess this is a Jewish delicatessen. Open Sundays but I guess they’re closed every other day. (Laughter.) Here we are now in the famous bakery which is very Jewish. In background: Yeah, okay. Anything a– Won’t you, I don’t know what to order here cause–an ice cream tray. Oh well. All those things look very good. Maybe (sigh), I don’t know. I looked. Where are they? I don’t see anything there. Looks like a cake, do you? No, do you want any cake or should we go somewhere else? Want cookies or cake? I think we better go elsewhere. Okay. There’s some cake there. It’s a day off. They are closed on, on every other day. They’re only open on Sundays. What, that’s too much. That’s so precious, that store–it was like going into a who knows? Who knows anymore, Drella? You have to let me help you carry something. Yeah wait, just hold uh, just hold the cap and microphone too. Good, okay. While I put– Okay, go right ahead. We’re now on Eighty-fifth Street and Madison Avenue and we’re very upset. You’re very upset? We are. Drella and myself are very upset. Mangos and Rosemary Clooney right next to it. Do you want to go to Stark’s? Huh? Do you want to go to Stark’s? Stark’s, Stark’s has appeared. What is Stark’s? Oh, that’s, I, I know what that is. It’s like a, a, what is it called? It’s like a– It’s like Childs. Or Longchamps, yeah, doesn’t matter but it sounds fine with me. Moby Dick sounds (laughter). That’s very good too. People aren’t equipped for my filth. I realize that. What? People are not equipped for my filth. I don’t know why, it’s amazing. I, da, I, I cut through everything, like I lose lo-lots of friends and everything. Really? And all the tricks, you know, I mean first of all I can’t be deceptive. If there’s any kind of subterfuge I have to use, it has to be very obvious nad very funny. You know, I mean it’s gotta be a ss, uh, it’s gotta be–amuse me at least and uh, so now that we’re interviewing you, you have to like living up here for a time? Oh it’s terrific. Oh isn’t this a riot. Especially way down there, it’s really wierd. Oh there must be some restAUrant. Maxine’s is out of the question cause the dress is out. I, I thought we were at Seventy-ninth, that’s higher than Seventy-seventh. Eh? That’s all right. You wanna walk down? I don’t care, certainly–what was I going to say? Oh yeah. Hey listen. Why don’t we take ourselves to the baths or something. It might be definitely– Are you serious? We would be such a hit at the baths. Really? Do you think? All the women, A”W”‘s. There would at least be a few, a few others blowing around there with just–What do the others know? Like sport cars. Y’know. We didn’t have to know or b-be–Florence Lustig? Oh no–I thought it was this famous Florence Lustig. The other one’s the quie–everything looks good today, doesn’t it? Yah. It’s just one of those days. (Laughter.) I don’t know why but– Yes, why is it that– It’s just one of those days, it’s just a fabulous day that everyone looks so happy, and everyone is good. On a day like this everyone is divine. The Duchess’s in the hospital. Oh, we have quite a good visit. Poor darling, we used to go to the uh, uh–Rotten Rita will, will wing for–for the first time she will be recorded. Oh really? And she will, yes she’ll even acCOMpany herself on the piano, and then we’ll all go and have a magnificent brunch. Uh, uh– At the Ethel Roosevelt Hospital– Oh. where the Duchess has managed to take–she’s got the blood-pressure machine. Oh really? She has. Laughter. Where’d she ever get the blood-pressure machine? Wow! She’s afraid of having her blood pressure taken because she knows it’s zero. Oh really? What a weird little wagon. Yah. Ow, ow. My gook was pinching my arm. Do you want to hold any of them? Oh dRILLy dum dum–It’s awful working for Taxine. Why? You can’t, you can’t support yourself. Oh. (Ondine laughs.) Well, she went out today, uh, as soon as she gets, uh, really, uh, as soon as she gets–I wonder, I wonder if she’s still–I wonder if she’s still going to uh– No, she’s out on two or three–two big nights, night, night club acts. Well, well y’know, we advised her about that. Oh you did? At least I tried to and I told, you know, we told her that anything prepared would be out of the question. Anything what? Prepared. Anything prepared would be out of the question and her sponsor may, may, will, would do this thing that would save her, and if she, if she got insulted, if he, if he acted like he was insulting her in, in any way, well she would merely say, “Excuse me, I won’t answer that,” and just go, go off the television set. Wha, what o you gonna think of Taxine? I very, really, I think an awful lot of her. Oh really? Yah. Tell me about her. I do. I think she’s uh, well, you, y’know (pause) uh, what can I tell you a, about her. Every–everybody, I found out last night, what uh, what I suspected was happening, was happening. What? That people are believing uh, that we’re having sex and uh, and uh, everything. Oh. Which is not so. Who, who, who, uh– Oh, oh you know, everybody does. Who? Oh, oh all the ” what does misanthrope mean? It sorta means a powerful person right? Yeah. Well, these are not the powerful ones, these are the pilot fish, what, whatever-ever that stuff’s supposed to mean. The ones that spread rumors, y’know. And they said, and they said you and Taxine, you’re really, someone said, said last night, you’re really fucking her up, aren’t you? I said, well, what do you mean? What drugs do you put in her morning coffee and, and how stoned do you get her? Who said that? I said oh, uh, no names, I said oh I said, “Oh don’t be ridiculous.” I asked Taxi if she wants a drug and if she wants a drug she takes it I said, I mean it is completely aboveboard. I said that the fact of the matter is that very rarely she says she wants anything, and we both agree that that’s the best ticket for her. And she, and she’s marvelous like that but she does have a problem with, uh, slipping barbiturates– Oh really? with her sleeping pills, yes. She takes too too many of them in the nighttime and uh, she should cut down. Besides, I’m beginning to talk like her, my voice sounds like uh, I can’t bear it, I don’t know what to do– DoDo Mae Doom is such an excellent girl. What do you, what do you think of Rink Crawl? A lot. I think Rink is marvelous. I wish he’d stop doing things with his hair– Oh–And leave it one way or uh t’other cause it’s quite jolting to see him there with–Rotten didn’t know it was the same person– Oh really? Because I– –he said I never met him–I said Rotten Rita doesn’t–I said I never met him–I said that’s the boy you saw last night you know, I’m vaguely interested in him, Ondine, and I said oh–he said he doesn’t look like the same person–well he is. Finally I left them all and uh we–after the whore house–we just left them there. Oh really? We had to go off on our own because it was–OH– Ah who’s that? O look at the French Coffee Shoppe–we had to go off on our own because, oh Gerry, Stu Denta, myself, uh Gene, gene Rawson, uh, that was his last name and what was–who was the other person? I forget–it was an extra and I don’t remember–who was the mysterious missing woman? (Laughter). I don’t know. Of course your presence will solve it in time. Oh really? Gerry would roll around and say Drella (laughter). Oh Gerry was so funny the other morning. Oh really? Why? Oh I know who was there–Debbie– Oh really, Debbie Lee? No, no, no, oh Debbie Lee, oh you take your life in your hands when you go anywhere with her (honk). Oh stop it now, uh, somebody else was there but I don’t remember who–that looked like Chanle. Yeah, oh really? I wha–I finally got so annoyed at Roger– Oh really? When we both a, a, you sound like Greta Garbo! Oh really? (Laughter) I find that so annoyed that Roger that day I started to eat yogurt– Ya! –a strawberry yogurt, and he said “Oh dear,” he said, “I thought that’s the least.” I said, ‘do you hate me?” God, he slept over last night and another word like that and I’m gonna throw it in your face. I said, “How dare you.” You know he’s got three cans of uh of of yogurt there and he’s afraid somebody’s going to eat it. I was really furious. He shouldn’t act like a little mother. He’s not, you know? I wonder when he’s gonna stoy or who’s gonna stop him. Oh, I almost did the other day with– Oh really? –with the cleaning woman who loved me. Oh? He looked like such a fool. What happened? Well, I, I just chewed the bubble gum and I (laughter), well he and DoDo Mae, you know, came over to help Ttxi with the, the letter and she was try–oh–what an enormous flower (laughter), and she was, they’re what? They’re not, they’re not ” big ribbon but they’re not too big at all–you know a lot of people. It feels so wonderful to walk down the street and have people meet you. Is that an old friend? No, he’s from a gallery. Yeah, thought so. Gallery people are, are all right. (Noise.) Do you want to sit at the counter over here, or what? Who’s that? (Noise.) Who’s that? That’s Wee Carter-Pell. That’s uh, Wee Carter-Pell? (Laughter. What a marvelous, eh– Wee Carter-Pell. He doesn’t know who you are. Yes, shall w go inside? Isn’t that awful? It’s just just that he can’t even, never learn that 90 per cent ” Laughter. I can’t believe it. Neither me. He’s snobbish Isn’t that AWful? He’s with Rauschenberg. Isn’t that awful? We’re being snubbed. It’s Rauschenberg. Who? I mean, are they from here or are they on this side? I always say who cares. Uh, Wee. He, he, he won’t say hello. When they’re like that they’re just like that. What can you ” It’s horrible isn’t it? I wonder when they’ll crawl out? I said I wonder when they’ll crawl out. I wonder when ”
He saw me.
Why didn’t he stop you?
I don’t know.
Think it could be a private booth?
I think so.
(D) I’ll fix it for you.
(O) Please do.
(D) I think it wasn’t even him.
(O) Oh. that’s what I said. I didn’t even know who he, he, he is. Ah, let’s see, do you want some-something to eat, Drella?
Oh, can I have some fresh orange juice. Yeah, a large one, that’s all.
I think I’ll have a, a grapefruit juice. Do you have a grape- grapefruit juice? Freshly squeezed grapefruit juice? Yeah, is uh, no, I don’t think there’s any more fresh grapefruits. They’re out of season, uh, and a cup of light coffee and uh some kind of a bun.
Aren’s you going to have–light coffee–aren’t you going to have some eggs or hamburger”
They make terrific hamburgers.
No, I’m not hungry. Well I’m not that hungry. I couldn’t eat after that frunch. I’m not hungry. Just slap me in the face. I wonder why h did that? You know I hate when tha-tha-that happens. Which one was taken? Oh, that’s who, uh, what kind of buns do you have? I mean, what kind of rolls. What kind of uh–Danishes–you have. What kind of cake do you have? Pasteries? What’s a schnecket?
(D) I don’t know.
(O) What is a sch–oh I’ll have a schnecket. I couldn’t resist. No, a schnecket is enough for me. Wanna schnecket? Where is, I don’t ” understand.
(O) I don’t understand why people do that.
(O) It doesn’t–
(D) Maybe it isn’t him.
(O) Which one was him? Was it the one–?
(D) The one in the suit.
(O) In the suit. I don’t even know who he is.
(O) Is he one of theee Carter-Pells–is he one of the Carter-Pells, Drella?
No, I can’t seem to be abl to tell.
Who is he?
Johnny Fatts’ lover.
Who’s Johnny Fatts?
He’s Bill’s, et, the ” secret ” building.
Oh, how wonderful! Oh, that’s a lovely building. Bedroom Billy.
Six or eleven. Do you want to take “em right now? Oh, you mean your orange juice?
Stick “em in the grapefruit juice.
(D) I’ve just four left.
(O) Let me take those little orange ones.
Don’t you want just four or you want five? They’re actually ten.
Five’ll be ” the MINute we get to Rita’s they can be replenished. She has, she has this little tiny marble picture.
This little tiny marble–
This little tiny marble–
(O) The ones that were, at the time to which ” the ones that tasted, oh, horrible.
(D) Here’s your fun. Oh. (Noise)
(O) Ah (swallowing) that was five Obertrols. That’s a hundred milligrams, like pure gaiety. No, it’s not hundred milligrams.
(D) No, it’s not, it’s fifty.
(O) It’s only fifty. Aah! Cause I go under like a wonderful third time. You have to swallow some, if they melt in your mouth, ro you’ll go crazy. Here, have some of my carbolic acid.
(D) That’s all right.
(O) You believe grapefruit is so wretched. That all you’re goin” to have?
I just don’t know. I’m having uh, orange juice.
Orange juice, yeah, but I mean is that all you’re going to have?
(O) I don’t look very good today. I was a little under it.
(O) I was a little under it last night.
Oh, I don’t know, I was sieged.
(D) Why were you sieged?
(O) I get very upset you know with with, with sex-sexual scenes, uh ”
(D) Oh, really? Why?
(O) I, I can’t pre-pretend, you know, or, or like, uh like, like, you know, pretend like I’m someone else and all of a sudden sneak out on the balcony with someone. I can’t do that.
(O) Cause I don’t think it’s worth it, first of all.
What does that have to do with yesterday?
Well, that was all, that, you know, there’s so many thing involved. Oh, that must be our schnecket.
(O) It’s from Australia.
(D) Hmm? Is it?
(O) My schencken looks like it’s from Australia. That woman came from ” Anyway, ah, I, I don’t think it’s worth it first of all.
(O) To pretend ce-certain uh, sexual scenes and then to do other other than I am what I am.
(D) Why were you?
(O) I wasn’t do–I couldn’t, I mean if I could’ve I would’ve uh, been able to score but I didn’t so I wasn’t able to uh, you know, meet the requirements which is to pretend you’re something else and then uh, go off with the spoils. No, I can’t do that. I have to go in and scream and holler at Rita and blame myself and then you know I really feel tha–oh goodness, uh, uh take milk uh, and then uh, you know, I always feel that if someone is courageous enough to come throught it and still register and then just more than that, that’s pretty good. Of curse some people are dazzled by my madness. Who’s that? Looks like an ORFA-SIR of the law.
(O) An officer of the law.
(O) It’s an officer of the law.
(O) Want some sugar in your orange juice?
Yeah. No, you did put some sugar in my orange juic.
So yoeu, you wouldn’t mind going to the hospital to see the Duchess?
(D) No, no.
(O) She has 3,000 livers.
(D) Oh really?
(O) Yeah, she’s, she’s got that an a stethescope and oh she’s got the dotcor’s coat and she said an oldl woman’s taking up ward patients. Wonder if we should go over this afternoon, which I think is a step ahead for her. Won’t you have some schencken? Drella, what’s going to happen to me when I start ”
(D) What? What?
(O) Oh, this custard is delicious; I wanna go to the bahroom after this.
(D) Oh, you do, oh you can’t go.
(O) Shall I take that with me?
(O) Have they left yet? Have they left yet?
(O) Have they gone yet? ” They don’t dare, do they? They don’t dare. What’s tha? Oh that’s the art gallery. Oh the coffee’s too hot. Umm, that schenken’s delicious. I figured that you wouldn’t be up by eleven, that’s why I didn’t call.
No, I uh, took all these ObEr-trols yesterday, and I was up all night.
What’d you do?
(O) What’d you do?
(D) Just read magazines.
(O) Oh, and you can’t get a ” How can you, I can’t get interested enough to read them.
(O) Positively anything, I get, I’m starting–
That’s why I read the same one over and over again.
I’m starting, I’m starting to find an interest in some, some things and it’s good, but I can’t, I can’t get enough interest in anything to really read it.
(D) Oh really?
(O) Yeah, it just doesn’t, I don’t have it. Um. I like that one. I mean, I mean, I don’t mind reading documentaries or Schwann catalogs or lists of one sort or another. I don’t mind that. I really don’t mind reading biographies if they’re, you know, fairly well written, but I can’t take reading novels or anything like that when they’re ” I just can’t do it. Anyways, isn’t that, isn’t that heartbreaking news? I was shocked when I found out that I wasn’t reading novels.
(O) Oh, novels, what novels, Ill read any novels.
(O) I used to read romance, every romance.
(D) Oh really?
(O) Oh, no, no more.
(D) Want some water?
(O) No, this schnecken is very, I don’t know what to say that’s not an critic for some reason. No, y’know, what is it that’s bother ing you?
(D) Oh, the newspaper.
(O) No, really. Have you thought about what you’d like to do after this?
(O) I mean besides ” I mean after Rita and the hospital.
Uh, I would like to meet her. Call me at Taxines.
Yeah, good, she’s going to uh–
She’s gone already, too, big appointment.
Yeah, she’s with Les Crane and let’s see who else?
(D) The other one is Night Time.
(O) Oh, Merv Griffin or someone. Les Crane can sometimes be very evil.
(O) Well, she’s going to hem them into that world too. I mean, she, she believes in what she’s doing, what she does, then, she doesn’t like to go anywhere, like a, because it’s just not–this schnecken took the rest of my voice away, uh, ih ” it’s completely gone. When will it return? Next Tuesday. Um.
(O) I’m scared. I believe you (or I feel easier) because everything I eat I lose weight. Have you spoken to our technician yet?
(O) Our lab technician, have you spoken to him?
(D) No, I didn’t speak to him ”
(O) I like him ” but the reaction that he had getting off the train was fabulous.
(D) Oh really?
(O) Ah, I said, “What happening” What’s he doing? I didn’t know WHAT I was doing, I was going, was going to buy a record, I think. Yes, I left the record at the factory.
(D) Oh, which one?
(O) The Callas record.
(D) Oh really?
(O) Yes, because it was, it’s a bit safer there, rather than be en route with me. I lost so many things last night.
(D) Oh really?
(O) Like my marbles.
Where’d you leave them?
Along the rough.
(O) I kept hearing them drop out and I got scared. One by one.
CLUNK. Would you like a cigarette?
(O) Those five Obertrols are go–
(O) Those five ” I thought that fifty milligrams of Obertrols is gonna be ”
Which ob–what all ” when?
A few minutes, in a few minutes I should go up to the factory.
(D) Oh really?
(O) I have to (clearing his throat), I have to get to a phone call.
All right, wh-when, when are we leaving?
As soon as–right after you’re finished. I’m not even gonna go to the rest room. Hot as a witch’s tit.
(O) It’s hot as a witch’s, whatever that it.
(D) What is hot?
(O) Coffee. No, it wasn’t even hot. I just wanted to make that slippery noise. I like that ” that boy’s nice.
(O) That boy’s nice. Have you ever been to St. Mark’s Baths or the (Everhart’s?)
Uh no. Tell me, tell me about it.
Well for twelve hours, for $2.50 on a wekend, you know, twelve hours of facilities, which means you can use the dormitories, you can use the swimming pool, the uh, roof, which has the sunbathing and um, the masseurs, and uh, three floors y’know of complete utter gaiety, and a cafeteria that serves Manning’s coffee. It doesn’t really serve Manning’s coffee; it just has Manning’s coffee cups and it says Manning’s coffee on the side of it. You were up all night?
(O) You didn’t sleep at all?
(O) No-no rest? Are you a little bit peaked?
(O) Don’t you feel marvelous?
(O) Aren’t Obertrols he-heaven? Did you do that on dexadrine?
(D) No, no, I”
(O) Then you’ll drop dead.
(O) Really! They’ll take care of your heart. Almost strength like this.
(O) You know, you can’t use dexadrine because it’s not good for you. Obertrols, I know, would take it off the market. I gotta do ” oh no. Can I have–lock this up and when you want to unleash just tell me, I’ll take, take it odff cause it ruins the ” I’m gonna finish my carbolic acid and then we’ll be going.
Do you want to meet Rauschen-berg?
(O) Who is he?
Uh, the number one artist.
Is he really?
(D) I think so.
(O) I don’t believe it. I think you are. Oh, come on, Drella, he doesn’t make movies ” he doesn’t make movies.
(D) He’s trying to.
(O) with sarcasm–He’s trying to. Have I ever seen any of his work?
(D) You might have.
(O) What’s, what’s his most famous thing?
(D) Uh, he’s just very famous.
(O) Does Norman have any of his work?